Choices|Day 8

Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse.
~Deuteronomy 11:26

There’s something about the night that elevates my anxiety. There was a time I would gaze up at the moon in all of its splendid glory and feel a great sense of peace. Millions of stars dancing in the sky and me without air. Nice try Van Gogh, but not even close. This is the hand of God. He who made dark, light. How can something as enchanting as this, now be my greatest fear? I am reminded of the moment when the sun left, my moon came, and he was there. Just the flashback of his unwanted touch uncover memories that I had worked so hard to hide beneath overeating, depression, self-harm, and promiscuity. There I was afraid and confused. A child trying to make sense of what and why this was happening? I’d worked so hard to fade into the background yet, he always found me. I remember begging the light to come, and it did. A momentary feeling of relief because he was gone, but not the shame. As time carried on, morning highlighted the hurt that night would only bring again. Night became the gift and curse. It’s just at the age of 35 that I have finally decided to confront the night. I would no longer allow the molestation that I endured paint me with shame. My faith in God allows Him to destroy the darkest parts of me because he gave me that choice. We all have a choice. Today, I choose the path of Christ because I know that my Father will make my fears my stepping stool. Today, I see night as a source which brings light that will allow me to see in darkness. Today, I see each morning as a chance to live again. Each day, a new day to make right all that was made wrong. I am not defined by my curse because underneath it was a blessing.

-Is there something in your life that you feel is a curse? Take whatever that may be and find three reasons why one would see it as a blessing. Praise and perspective go hand and hand. When one decides to give God praise through their storm, they have decided to look at their situation from a spiritual perspective. Go to Him in prayer and ask Him to sit in your perspective. Where the spirit of God dwells grows hope, joy, and peace.

Reverence|Day 5

A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.
~ Revelation 12:1

The mirror told my story. My too dark skin. The 65lb weight gain. When did my clothes become so outdated? I needed to do something drastic. I needed to feel beautiful again. Then maybe I could bring the passion back into my marriage. This was part of the problem. Just past my four year anniversary of being natural, could I let go of my beautiful mane? My hair soft with an undefined texture encompassed with a variety of curl patterns made me feel unique. One of the things that my husband loved about me. It didn’t matter; something had to change. So I began snipping away. Hair that once grazed my back like a beautiful ebony vail was now barely an inch long. The massive makeup collection that covered my vanity desk was once again being used. In front of the mirror once more I saw my sassy new haircut, dark red lips and I felt, the same. That was until Christ gave me a conviction that I could not deny. As I started to read the Bible more, it dawned on me that I allowed the world to define what beauty was to me. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. That’s when I decided to throw away my makeup, my less than modest clothes, perfumes, and the wigs. I began a new life outwardly that impacted my entire being. I started to cover my head, light essential oils grazed my skin, and my clothes hid what was only to be enjoyed by my husband. For the first time, I saw beauty from a spiritual perspective. My Father’s reverence for me made me feel like the most beautiful thing that he had ever created. He confirms my beauty, not man. I gave the ideas of the world power to define me, but never again. Everyone’s conviction is birthed from their storms. This was mine. The story of the woman who found beauty in God. An amazing wonder from Adam’s rib, created by God’s fingertips. Did you ever hear about the woman who was clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of 12 stars above her head? Imagery painted by God’s words. This is his reverence for you. Take note of that and hold your head high because you are beautiful sister. You are royalty.
-As women, we can be our own worse critic. Pulling away at the gorgeous creation (that’s YOU!) that God has made. Make a list of the top 10 things that you don’t like about yourself physically. Once you have read those things aloud, repeat after me. “In the name of Jesus, the devil is a lie! For the word of God tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! God’s works are wonderful; I know that full well! (Psalm 139:14)