Choices|Day 8

Behold, I set before you this day a blessing and a curse.
~Deuteronomy 11:26

There’s something about the night that elevates my anxiety. There was a time I would gaze up at the moon in all of its splendid glory and feel a great sense of peace. Millions of stars dancing in the sky and me without air. Nice try Van Gogh, but not even close. This is the hand of God. He who made dark, light. How can something as enchanting as this, now be my greatest fear? I am reminded of the moment when the sun left, my moon came, and he was there. Just the flashback of his unwanted touch uncover memories that I had worked so hard to hide beneath overeating, depression, self-harm, and promiscuity. There I was afraid and confused. A child trying to make sense of what and why this was happening? I’d worked so hard to fade into the background yet, he always found me. I remember begging the light to come, and it did. A momentary feeling of relief because he was gone, but not the shame. As time carried on, morning highlighted the hurt that night would only bring again. Night became the gift and curse. It’s just at the age of 35 that I have finally decided to confront the night. I would no longer allow the molestation that I endured paint me with shame. My faith in God allows Him to destroy the darkest parts of me because he gave me that choice. We all have a choice. Today, I choose the path of Christ because I know that my Father will make my fears my stepping stool. Today, I see night as a source which brings light that will allow me to see in darkness. Today, I see each morning as a chance to live again. Each day, a new day to make right all that was made wrong. I am not defined by my curse because underneath it was a blessing.

-Is there something in your life that you feel is a curse? Take whatever that may be and find three reasons why one would see it as a blessing. Praise and perspective go hand and hand. When one decides to give God praise through their storm, they have decided to look at their situation from a spiritual perspective. Go to Him in prayer and ask Him to sit in your perspective. Where the spirit of God dwells grows hope, joy, and peace.

The Power of Prayer|Day 2

This kind can come out only by prayer
-Mark 9:29

There I was, in my mother-in-love’s arms. Broken and crying. Confessing everything I’ve never actually told anyone, but God. Trying to find the answers inside of the woman that carried the reason for my tears for nine months. Besides God, no one knew my husband better than his mother. She stood there before me much different than before. I always saw her as Mom, but today she was Mom and Pastor. The marriage of the two consoled something in me that I didn’t even know I needed. I poured out my heart along with my tears to her that day. As she soothed me, she replied, “I will talk to him.” That promise took some of the sting out of the wound that I could no longer hide. Then she began to pray for me. Interceding for me with words in prayer what my heart wanted so much to say to God. She prayed over me, for me, and to Him. Once amen escaped our lips, there was an eerie feeling that came over me. Not the sense of fear, but a sense of anticipation for something only my heart could feel. As the silence crackled in the air, shortly after I heard the words of God as he spoke through my Mother-in-Love, “I care.” He heard me. The feeling of being so alone and that no one cared began to evaporate. He cared, he cares. The confirmation that I begged for came to me through prayer. My God knew that this pain, heartache, defeat, and sadness could only come out by prayer. It wasn’t that my prayer didn’t suffice, but my Mother-in-Love had to pray for me so that I could receive my confirmation afterward. A word that one could not feel only hear. Prayer is God’s 24-hour calling card. The word confirms that prayer is how we seek our Father. When you can’t find the words to express the deepest part of you, have those who are anointed to pray for you as well. He promised where two or three gather in His name; he would be there also. The adversary trembles when you tap into your greatness at your darkest hour. He trembles because he knows the power of prayer.

-If anything is troubling your heart or that of someone around you, take this moment right now, go into a private room, and talk to God. Invite the Holy Spirit to fall fresh in the place in which you are praying and ask Jesus your savior to intercede your prayer. There is nothing too small or too big that our Father cannot handle. Prayer will bring real peace into every situation.