May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace.
~Numbers 6:26
December 14, 2017, it had been seven days since I had turned 36 and I was fine. I woke up at 6:15 a.m., took my dog out, made breakfast, drunk my coffee, turned on my work computer and at 7 am I started my day. Every day, five days a week, this was my life and I was fine. I checked voicemails, emails, and reviewed my workload for the day just like any other day and I was fine. That was until my manager waited until the last minute to spring a project on me, throwing a wrench in my perfectly ordinary and simple day. Fine I thought, I will just have to adjust. I had been given the task of calling customers back and making them aware that their medical forms that had been submitted needed to be corrected within less than 48 hours. The “fine attitude” I wore like a badge began to turn into discomfort. Anticipating the backlash from our customers due to the last minute inconvenience, I pressed pause on my Chip and Joanna Gaines audiobook and proceeded to make calls. Call after call, no biggie until one call changed my life. I know it sounds dramatic, but trust me it started a roller coaster of emotions, thoughts, and revelations. Things that I’d once learn to push down, began to battle with the spirit of courage given by God that lived within me. I knew that this courage would cause me to address and face a truth that I’d got so good at ignoring. I would love to say this customer said something so profound and uplifting that it gave me a new lease on life, but instead, it was the opposite. He yelled at me, talked down to me, and all I could do was take it. Take it as one learns to in the customer service industry. At this point I’d worked so hard to work my way up and off the phones and this call was a friendly reminder of all I had trained myself to forget subconsciously. After 16 excruciating minutes, the phone call ended I immediately said to myself, “I can’t. This isn’t it. This cannot be the next 30 years.” You know how some people say they saw their lives flash before their eyes in near death experiences? Well, my truth flashed before mine and I wasn’t happy. I learned to be content because that’s what God wants right? For us to be grateful for what we have. Then right on cue the words Joanna said started to ring in my head, “I learned to play it safe.” What had being safe got me? Yes, I had a stable job and a decent apartment. I was living check to check, but I was ok. Wasn’t I okay? I am a firm believer that nothing happens by chance, but by the permission of God. Had I been so stubborn that I was unable to hear the Lord when He said move? I remember sitting in my chair and asking God just to show me. Show me what it is that you want me to do and I will do it. I will move even if I
don’t understand His plan because my trust in God doesn’t require my understanding. The Gaines book, Magnolia, was beyond inspirational. Their story moved me and spoke to the introvert in me, much like Joanna, who was okay with playing it safe. She was okay with sketching her ideas until Chip encouraged her to stop sketching, step out on faith and just do it. Was God my Chip? Wanting to pull me out of my comfort zone so that he could show me that those dreams I keep locked away in my mind that only he has access to could become a reality? God revealed Numbers 6:26 to me which says, “May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace” and Elisha’s request for a double portion came to mind. As always my God knows what I need and when I need it. I walked away, climbed into bed with my husband and cried. I confessed with my mouth to him and God my truth. That I was lost. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to do and I waited until I was 36 to have this “Einstein” moment. Once I collected myself, I decided to write, well what you are reading now. I confessed to God that I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to appear ungrateful for all that he’s done. God’s love and mercy reminded me that night that it was okay for me to cry. For all of my tears, there would be a double portion of blessings that would come from them. All I have to do is keep His peace as he works on delivering His favor over my life.
-There is something that you are trusting God for right now. It may seem as though it might not happen, but maybe God is saying not right now. Perhaps he’s saying that I have something so amazing for you that your mind won’t be able to even grasp the power behind your blessing. Be in tune with the spirit of God and ask for discernment so you can be ready for the great things that are sure to come.